Empty

A poem from one of my darker days

Again I thought I'd find what I once lost,
To fill the cold abyss that once used to be not
Time has done to me what it had to do
And made me lose myself and lose me to you

I thought I'd find if I searched and laughed
I prayed and cried but it wasn't to last
The time grew weary and I was gone
Writhing in agony to the pain I was left on


Seeing me cry, no one could
Was it fate, Maybe it was good
My heart writhed alone, my chest squirmed and hurt
Yet for all I knew, it could not be heard

I laughed and danced as if drunk with wine
Showing to the world what wasn't mine
Yet would they see if I showed them too
Too busy leaning against me as I forget too

But I can't, and I think I won't
The pain is mine and for me alone
People come and people go
They were never meant to last the snow

I am alone and I am empty
Tired, dreary, lost and weary
Selfish, arrogant, possessive and wild
Yet I am me, a simple child

A baby to the world, forgotten and unknown
Smiling out and laughing as I am shown
But only I may know what I am
Only I may survive the wreck I am

I am a fool, for I grow close
I hope to be the one the one they chose
But when I know that I cannot be it all
I run away and flee and fall

I feel again the emptiness I forgot
Only to know it was never not
It stood and always watched me by
To return to me when the angels sigh

And I am a fool for not knowing before
Who was my friend and who was my foe
Lonliness, you stood by me
Maybe I was a fool to run from thee

Can you fill me, yourself empty
Cast aside, yet the face of eternity
If my life is to be cast in stone
A wreck and sorry and forever alone
Then stand by me and desert me not
I needn't tell you, I'm a fool, I forgot

You will stand, you won't go.
And maybe one day I will probably know
That you were the one who wasn't meant to go
So run and hug and take me away
To the land where time holds no sway